Bacon
8/2012

Why is there such a fascination over bacon lately?  Bacon has become
wildly popular, and I'm scratching my head as to why, because I never
remember it being so popular years ago.  I often joke that I've
slipped into a parallel universe which is almost the same except for a
fanatical appreciation for bacon.

In my previous universe, bacon was a somewhat enjoyed breakfast food.
You'd get it during Sunday brunch, and admittedly it was kinda nice,
but not on par with winning the lottery or anything.

Here, people put bacon in chocolate and give it as a gift.  To me,
that's like mixing scrambled eggs and toast into a chocolate bar.  How
did bacon become a birthday gift?

Not so long ago I was playing an online video game where everyone kept
saying "bacon", as if it was the most awesome sought after food in
existence.

People might say this isn't anything new.  It's always been this way.
But there's evidence to the contrary.  For example, years ago there
was the somewhat derogatory expression, "I smell bacon" which was a
slur to indicate the police were nearby.  Today no one uses it,
because bacon is so highly thought of.  It's like if I were a cop and
someone said I was like chocolate.  I'd stand a little taller and
smile from the compliment.  "Why thank you!"

So clearly something has changed in the world.  And it's weird because
bacon is an unlikely subject.  I can only assume something has been
happening in the mornings while I'm asleep.

The most obvious theory on why we have recently started liking bacon
far more, is that we are evolving into whatever preys on pigs.  So I
looked on the internet to see what preys on pigs... and ran across a
lot of scary stuff about pigs and boars.  Pigs sound scary.  Thanks to
Google always knowing who I am and where I'm at, it helpfully pointed
out parks nearby with killer pigs.  Literally.  Apparently pigs are
populating nearby parks and attacking people.  A dog was killed.  It's
now reached the status of the "Pig Problem".

So I think the reason people are craving bacon becomes obvious.  We
are developing a taste for bacon as pigs become more of a threat.
It's apparently a human defense mechanism.  Eat that which threatens
us.  We develop a taste for our enemies.

This also has implications about myself compared to those around me.
Apparently pigs are not a threat to me.  Considering my current desire
for buffalo wings, I am apparently more threatened by either chickens
or flying buffalo.

So why doesn't my body chemistry sense a danger from pigs like others
are experiencing?  I'm fairly certain I'm not some... natural defender
against pigs...  And although I've had my suspicions towards the
massing of chickens, and their obvious pretending to be clueless...  I
do not believe they are necessarily out to get me.  (And yet as I type
this, I hear a voice in the back of my head telling me not to be too
sure.  Not to worry, I will not let my guard down.)

But no, I do not believe it's related to my specific fighting talents
towards one enemy or another, but probably my role in society.

I strongly suspect there is a relationship between the time we hunt a
specific food, and the time we eat that specific food.  So I'd be
willing to bet a dozen donuts... bacon is hunted in the morning when
I'm asleep, and buffalo is hunted in the afternoon when I'm awake.
That is exactly why my body isn't tuned into the pig threat, but is
highly aware of the chicken/buffalo threat.  In fact I'm fairly sure
donuts were invented at the same time people started to diverge in
sleeping times, as a supplement for the delicate sleeping stomach of
someone woken up too early.  I think we can all agree on that.

So it's simply not my role in society to worry about the pig problem.
And at the moment chickens and buffalo are under control, so good job
self!

It's interesting to note late sleepers focus on the actual wings of
chickens as opposed to their entire body.  Clearly the threat
presented by chickens and buffalo involve them flying.  And
admittedly, if chickens and especially buffalo started flying they
would become very dangerous.  Chickens clearly outnumber us and are
not penned in from flight.  Buffalo... well, flying buffalo would
destroy cities.

The scary thing is, despite the wild amount of chickens we eat each
day, they still outnumber us.  We've reached a point where we can't
stop eating chickens for a moment, or they will immediately overrun us
in numbers, overflowing the farms.

They'll gain the confidence to fly out of their pens.  The skies will
be blackened with them, and they will be hungry.  It's interesting
that our farming of chickens is exactly what could turn the food chain
relationship backwards.  All it would take is for the system to break
down for just for a few days.  Producers could never adjust in time.

I think this explains a lot of what I've seen in chicken wing
restaurants lately.  There's a silent concern you can see in the
staff, especially the managers who stand nervously in the shadows.
The happy hours and discounted prices.  Wing eating contents and
prizes.  The never ending list of different sauce flavors.  Fun fun
fun.  Just please please don't stop eating wings.  They know.  Next
time we're there, I'm going to give a knowing nod to the manager and
order 6 extra wings.