Space Pizza
5/29/2012

Keeping in mind the Pizza Religion theory which says our universe
exists for the purpose to create the ultimate pizza ever made,  I
had a scary thought while making pizza the other day.  One possible
outcome of the Pizza Religion is that when the ultimate pizza is
finally made, some supreme being will split the heavens and graciously
accept the pizza.  But this leads to perhaps one scary conclusion, and
an explanation to something that has been bothering me for some time.

When you take a few steps back from the Earth, and see all the
creatures wandering around eating one another, you realize... we
are monsters.

It's easy not to believe this, as we dress up in suits and ties and
smile in the mirror.  But when we smile we're showing our teeth, the
teeth we use to rip the flesh off our fellow animals on Earth.  We
joke about being made of meat... but we really are... it's not a joke.
We're made of meat.  We feed off life, devouring it.  At almost every
significant event, we have a feast, cause that's what monsters do.

What a crazy place for the human mind to find itself in.  You are
placed into a body made of food, on a planet filled with monsters, and
you are HUNGRY... EVERY DAY, and have teeth and claws.

Nowadays we're more civilized.  When I make pizza, none of the
ingredients look like any animals.  They are dough, cans of sauce, and
cheese.  It all looks very proper and not monster like.  So as I feel
very sophisticated baking my pizza in the oven, I look through the
little glass window to see how things are going.  I notice the
pepperonis are floating on a sea of melted cheese.  I always hate
mushroom drift.  I was wondering why in this day and age we don't have
any technology to combat this problem.  Looking through the oven
window, everything looked so primordial, as if it were the time the
Earth was forming, continents drifting, volcanoes erupting...

That's when it came to me... the Earth is kinda like a large pizza.
Well, I guess an extra-large pizza.  But it has everything, and we are
the meat!  This explains why we are made of meat.  Not for space
aliens to farm us... that's thinking too small.  But rather to top one
very large pizza.

This explains everything.  This is why we're made of meat, and why
we're seemingly over-populating the planet.  We're NOT overpopulating
the planet... we're populating it exactly to specification.

Thinking about it, the pizza is the perfect shape on planet Earth, but
only given an environment where gravity dominates in one direction.
On a grander scale out in space, the spherical pizza is king!  A tasty
surface, a deep planet crust, and a hot center to keep it all warm.  My
mouth is almost watering just thinking about it.  A Pizza Sphere.

I think I'll go on disbelieving this one possible outcome of us all
simply being pizza ingredients.  I hope we can agree it's unlikely.
However, I'm really liking this spherical pizza in zero gravity idea.
It may be the next step!!!  We are just now allowing private ventures
into space.  Perhaps the international space station has an opening
for a pizza restaurant?  The pizza of the future!!!